MAY 10TH 2018
I was reluctant to show up to work today. I woke up this morning in a pool of my sweat as my body shook uncontrollably while I sobbed. I had a night terror about Ryder last night. I couldn't work out why, why all of a sudden did he appear in my dreams?
Did it have something to do with the first anniversary of him blowing his head off or was it the fact that I was fucking his brother?
Either way, it sounds like he's decided to cash in his soul with the devil and take it upon himself to haunt my ass.
But, I'll tell you this and I'll say it just this once because I'll never admit it again.....
It shook me to the core. It felt so fucking real I ugly cried for sixty minutes straight. I didn't even cry that long when we buried him. I got up and checked under my bed and my damn closet in case he took on the form of the boogyman.
I had to have a little laugh at myself because even I knew I looked fucking ridiculous doing it.
But here I am. Sitting in my car as I look out towards the club, battling with my inner self to not peel out of the carpark and leave my dust behind. Leaning forward in my seat, I pull out the hip flask I keep stashed in my glove box and take a generous swig, I stomp my feet against the carpet until the sharp stinging resides.
I sigh, with my eyes closed, blocking everything that's going on around me. I just need a minute. One good minute to myself. I chant.
"Hey, babe." I jump as Lisa bangs on my window stealing my attention.
I open one eye as I look at her, willing her to buzz off. She's just gone ahead and robbed me of the one minute I selfishly wanted for myself.
I shift and roll the window halfway down. It's a bit chilly this morning so I have the heater blowing on high in the car. The bitter cold air brushes against my face and it sends a chill down my spine.
I ask her as I crank the heater up a bit more.
hear you darl." She rubs her shoulders with her
as well throw my money out the window while I'm at it... I
more and my toes curl as the wind picks up and
bite down hard trying to stop
Ruben?" She looks
Ruben fucking Rodgers...
the innocent schoolgirl with daddy issues who he picks up and rapes. Last time I had to pepper spray the bastard as he wouldn't stop when I rambled chads
guess, his three months is up and he wants to book a session?" I say through chattering teeth.
free slot this morning if you're keen." She looks down at her
take a deep breath in and exhale slowly.
the extra three hundred bucks.
it with him." I
a can of pepper spray in your
fucking cute when she looks out for us.
open my bag and give her a glimpse of
feel stupid?" She laughs at
I say with admiration.
window back up with frozen fingers and I take
walk through the carpark with our arms linked, feeding off each others warmth. Lisa brings us to a stop at