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The nightmares. The guilt. The despair sucking me into the abyss, drowning me.

Shit. Pull yourself together, Grey.

No. I never want to feel like that again.

She kisses me once more, a gentle, beseeching kiss, comforting me.

Don’t think about it, Grey. Think about something else.

I remember my parents’ summer ball. “Will you come with me to my father’s summer party tomorrow? It’s an annual charity thing. I said I’d go.” I hold my breath.

This is a date.

A real date.

“Of course I’ll come.” Ana’s face lights up but then falls.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me,” I insist.

“I have nothing to wear.”

Yes. You do. “Don’t be mad, but I still have all those clothes for you at home. I’m sure there are a couple of dresses in there.”

“Do you, now?” She purses her lips.

“I couldn’t get rid of them.”

“Why?”

caress her hair, willing her to understand. I

“You are,

it’s something I might say to her. Her expression lightens. “I’m gooey. I

“We both do.”

room for two. You

shower, and this has to be the smallest shower cubicle I’ve ever been in; I’m practically face to face with the showerhead. However, I discover the source of her fragrant hair. Green apple shampoo. As the water trickles over me, I

Ana.

this to Mrs. Jones’s shopping list. When I open my eyes, Ana

shower is small,”

Were

“Maybe.” I grin.

Ana is ever the

walls are stark exposed brick, the fourth smooth concrete, but there’s nothing on them. Ana’s not had time to make this place home. She’s been too miserable to

I close my eyes.

I want her happy.

Happy Ana.

I smile.

SATURDAY, JUNE 11, 2011

* * *

Tango, chasing the dawn. Chasing the dusk. Chasing the dawn. The dusk. High above the clouds we fly. Night a dark shroud arching over us. Ana’s hair is burnished, titian, bright from the setting sun. We have the world at our feet and I want to give her the world. She’s entranced. I do

Me?

No.

No.

She screams.

hair follicle on my body. In the glow of the ambient streetlight I see

“Jesus, Ana.”

Gasping. Eyes wild.

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